Camerasutra

The oath taken by all members of the Johnson family this year is that nobody would spend more than $25 in total on any single person.  This oath was taken in part as a response to the crappy economy, but more so by the fact that our pile of presents most years is high enough to block out the sun.  When you have to get half way through opening presents in order to see the tree again, you’ve got alot of gifts.

The stockings were hung…

As predicted, Mom went over the $25 limit.  She found a loophole in the system and was able to attribute anything over $25 as being from Santa.  If I ever start a corporation, I’m bringing her on as my accountant.

Mom give instructions on launching the monkey

Amy ready for some cold water scuba

A ribbon makes everything look more festive

Geek shirt

Talking Dirty Dancing ornament

Dad is ready for Colorado

Regardless of who broke what oaths, it was another fantastic Christmas at the Johnsons.  The gifts were generous and thoughtful, the Mimosas were strong, and this year’s French toast made “Texas” toast like a church wafer.

Cheese grits

World’s largest french toast

That afternoon Dad, Alan, Amy, myself and the yorkies went out for a boat ride.  I rediscovered the phenomenon of not really wanting a beer until you get about 10 feet away from the boat dock.  Next year I’m taking one for sure.

Man’s best friend

Dad influencing a Yorkie

Alan, Amy, Bridget and Mimosas

I definitely got my fill of beer (and wine and bourbon) at Jimmy’s house.  When I asked if he had any Jim Beam, he about fell over with laughter and asked me in return if the Pope is Catholic.  He even had a 16 ounce bottle of Moonshine on hand.  For those of you who have not been to the South, part of the corn kernel is used to make grits, and the rest is used to make very lethal (but not necessarily legal) corn whiskey.  The stuff will put hair everywhere that you don’t want it.  I skipped out on the offer, but Alan (being from South Georgia) drank it like it was nothing.

Cousins

Ashley and Frankie

James accidentally ignites the same towel used to mop up lighter fluid

Mom and Kathy

Ashley and Amber…superstars!

Brothers in hats

At the end of the day, it was another very Merry Christmas….a real Mele Kalikimaka.  Thank you to everyone for the generous gifts and please make sure you find a way to get out to Colorado in 2009 for a little vacation.

Amy and Alan have somehow perfected the cooking of prime rib in only 2 attempts.  For the second year in a row, we ventured to there house for Christmas Eve dinner.  Amy’s culinary reputation has historically been focused around dishes like mac n’ cheese and tater tots, so I hope I don’t offend when I say that I’ve been pleasantly surprised the past 2 years to get such an amazing Christmas Eve dinner.  Her husband Alan seems to be the differentiating factor.  I’m sure they’re not too concerned with who gets the credit, but seriously, dont’ try to nab the end piece.  I snuck it onto my plate and nearly lost a finger.  I reluctantly gave the piece of meat to my father who has laid claim to the cut through “seniority”.  He was gracious enough to give me a very large share of the treasure though.  When I’m head-of-household though, don’t anyone even glance at that end piece…..not a finger!

With record breaking snowfall in many major cities, I expected my day of holiday travel to be pretty painful.  The fact that a Continental flight had run off the runway two days prior did not bode well for my prospects of getting home quickly and comfortable.  Fortunately though, the budget travel industry seems to have their stuff together almost better than the full over-priced carriers, who are now charging $25 to check your first bag!  With no exciting stories to tell, I made it home with a mere 45 minute delay…sorry to disappoint.

I checked in at home just long enough to say hello before heading out to meet my old high school friend Leslie for dinner.  We went to my favorite taqueria in Decatur which is the only taqueria I’ve been to where you can get a fried chicken taco and turnip greens on the side.  I had both.

Afterwards we went back to her folks place so I could partake for the first time in Wii fit.  All I can say is…I want one!  Its such a fun way to play games.  Its pretty physically challening too.  I impressed everyone with my 180 yard ski jump only to follow it up with a 60 yarder for my second scoring run.  I’ll get there with practice.  Either way, it was a great night spent with an old friend that I don’t get to see nearly enough, but have been blessed to see her twice in 2008.

While attending my neighbor’s holiday party, I felt a swift kick of cold air hit my in the neck only to realize the door was wide open and people were slowly funneling outside to the sound of Christmas music.  As we exited the party, we noticed the sidewalk was blocked by an upright piano being played by non other than Santa Claus himself.  The adults glanced blankly at each other with looks of “who the hell is this”?  The kids freaked out knowing exactly who it was….”its Santa!!!”.  For the next 15 minutes, we all stood outside freezing and singing every Christmas song in his book.  Afterwards, the kids all got their pictures taken with Santa and then he stood up and continued to push his piano on its way.

The evening started pretty innocently…watch Elf, drink some Bacardi with whatever we have in the house to make it taste good, and open presents first thing Saturday morning.  It was to be our Christmas morning.  I don’t know if it was the alcohol or all the Christmas spirit in the air from the movie, but before we knew it, we were ripping paper off gifts to reveal the mysteries that lie underneath.

I found out that there was no mystery under the gifts that I had wrapped.  Even though I packed Jess’s down puffy with programming books, she still knew she was getting one.  She had even figured out the secret gift of dog training classes for Ruby.  No secret is safe in this house.

I on the other hand had no idea what treasures were beneath.  I opened my first gift to reveal some super comfy around-the-house pants.  The second gift revealed a hypercolor t-shirt that changes color when it changes temperature….but inside of it was a WII controller.  I immediately got suspicious and hopeful of the third package.  It was shaped like a WII, but there are no guarantees.  Every time I’ve suggested we need a WII, Jess has strictly forbade its entry into the house.  In fact, it would have been the cruelest, but most hilarious gag if she had just gotten me a controller.  However, she pulled through big time.  In the third package was a WII.  So, thank you sooooooo much Jess.  And don’t worry, you’re getting a Playstation 3 for Valentine’s Day!

I’ve been meaning to send Holiday Cards for the past many years.  Each year I buy a pack and then nothing.  Generally I start the write the first one and have to quit due to severe cramping in my arm and wrist.  This is surely caused by the fact that I haven’t actually written anything in about 10 years.  Since college I have always had a keyboard at my disposal.

Well, this year we put on our Sunday best and got the professionals at JC Penney portrait studio involved.  I think they did a great job of capturing the holiday spirit that has been consuming us since Thanksgiving.  It was burning so hot in me that I feared I wouldn’t actually show up in photographs.  This was further confirmed by the fact that I can’t see my own reflection in a mirror when I am wearing that sweater.  The photographer heard our fears though and went into the back and pulled out a special camera that has been used to document Christmas Elves at the North Pole.  The darned thing was huge and required two tiny assistants to operate.  They had to climb on a ladder just to adjust the ISO.  In the end, we got our photos and some holiday memories that will carry us until November 2009, when the holiday fire will once again burn bright…

Behind the Scenes:  I’ve been asked alot of questions by several people about these photos, so I wanted to go ahead a clear up a few things.

Question: Were you guys really fighting? It doesn’t seem very “holiday”.
Answer: Jess told me that I looked fat in my sweater and I got mad.  Just before the “cup” photo, I threatened to punch her in the stomach.  I pulled my punch at the last moment, but Jess did not pull hers.  She punched me in the face.  I was out cold for several minutes.  When I awoke, I forgot the whole thing and had no idea where I was or how I had put on so much weight.  I have since joined a gym.

Question: It really looks like there is something in those cups.  Is that just good acting, or were you just actually drinking something.
Answer: Thank you for this question and for the unintended compliment.  Those cups were completely empty.  We were acting.

Question: Whats up with the balls?
Answer: The photographer thought it would be a clever idea to do a shot with us taking a bit out of a fake snowball.  It turns out that the balls were incredibly hot though, so we had to blow on them to cool them enough to eat.  The shots of us eating the snowballs were a total flop, but the one of us cooling them turned out to be one of the best of the entire session.

I knew it could get cold here in Colorado when I moved here, but anything below zero is a bit more than I signed up for.  Its been 20 degrees fairly often here.  While, there is no doubt that 20 feels cold, 0 degrees and -5 degrees is a whole different ball game.  The dogs are even taking notice.  Sadie tromped into the snow last night to drop a deuce, only to have a “What the F!” moment as snow instantly clumped to here pads causing her to roll onto her back and bite at her feet.  So, enough of all this Mother Nature, lets go ahead and turn the thermostat back up a bit.  We’ll all pitch in a bit to help cover the heating bill.

Ruby dreaming of warmer days…

When its snowed all night and is hovering a few degrees below zero, the person leaves the warm comforts of home is often referred to as an idiot.  Today we decided to see what this whole idiot thing was like.  At approximately 1pm Mountain Standard Time, Ronnie, Anne, Jess and I drove up to Brainard Lakes with all of our warmest gear and walked around in the woods for several hours.  I am happy to report that it was pretty.

When Anne reported that she could no longer feel her feet, we quickly jumped into action to save her from sure amputation.  Running on nothing but instinct, adrenaline, and blind intuition, I suggested that we warm her feet up in the pit of my arm where they would be surrounded by 800 fill down (jacket provided by GoLite).  I’ll be damned if my little plan didn’t work!

Once we got back to the parking area, Ronnie found his dream truck…

Throughout the hike we all seemed to be having visions of nachos, burgers and chicken wings.  So, we drove straight from the trailhead to The Lazy Dog for some serious pub food.  At the end of the meal, I found myself staring at a plate full of chicken bones where wings used to lay.  I noticed that one still had a scrap of meat on it, so I picked it up and sucked it dry.  Everyone alternated between laughter and horror as I soon found out that that was the chicken wing that Ronnie had just had his mouth all over.  It probably still had his slober on it.  In the future, I propose that everyone gets their own plate for chicken wing scraps.

Jess has been working most of the weekend to prepare dessert for the holiday dinner we’re having next weekend for her family.  Since she can’t have gluten, that means that all desserts must be prepared fully from scratch.  So, yesterday she prepared lots and lots of gluten free dough for her family’s recipe of a crescent-rolled cookie called a Swedish No-Name.  Even if you don’t believe in Sweden, you will enjoy the heck out of these holiday treats.

And of course the dogs did what they could to help out….

I love the holidays!  By “the holidays”, I’m referring to that special time from Thanksgiving to New Years where you can eat, drink, be merry and put on an average of 10 pounds (+/- 2 pounds).  Its a time when almost everyone rushes out in search for a live tree to install in their living room and wraps it with fire hazards and precariously hooks fragile glass balls to its brittle branches. For the second year in a row I had the pleasure of making my place jolly with the gorgeous Jess.  Medicated with hot chocolate and Baileys and adorned by Jess’s Grandmother’s Christmas sweaters, we dressed the 4.5 artificial pine with the standard holiday accouterments.  Its definitely starting to look alot like Christmas the holidays.