AtomJohnson Blog

6 to 10 inches of snow was the forecast for today. Schools were all closed and milk and toilet paper were sold out. Most people are now sitting at home looking at the 3 inches of snow on the ground and wondering what the heck they’re going to do with all this toilet paper and milk they just bought. My recommendation would be to invite all of your lactose intolerent friends over and give them each a milkshake and their own roll.

I’m not usually one to give advice, but please take this piece of advice to heart….never eat an entire can of mustard soaked sardines at 2am…you will wake up feeling like hell warmed over. Nat and I went to IOTA last night to see Shawn Mullins and Griffin House. In order to ensure that we got a good seat at the bar, we showed up at 6:30 for a 9:30 show. That leaves alot of time for drinking. The bartender was also laying on the peer pressure. I felt like I was pledging his fraternity. He served up everything from beer to gin and tonic to coffee drinks. You combine that with spicy salmon, burger, fries and whatever the heck else I ate when I got home and you have a generations-old recipe for disaster.

Dave wrote a really great story on his blog yesterday. Its a long post, but its certainly worth the reading. I made the mistake of attempting to read it last night after the show. I fell asleep around the second paragraph and woke up about a half hour later. Perhaps it was the plot line about the fishing nets that made me crave sardines. Perhaps I am simply retarded.

Nat has her own blog now too! Check it out.

Willow…you fluffy ball of ear stink. Why do you make me clean your ears? It is one of the things I hate to do the most. I place it up there with folding laundry and eating sawdust. Every weekend morning, all I want to do is relax, read a little about Cascading Style Sheets, play my video game soccer, drink coffee and if I did not say it before…relax. This happy time is always interrupted by Nat saying, “your ear-cleaning outfit is in the dryer”. This is a special suit of old clothes that I only keep around to absorb the biohazard that is Willow’s earwax and vinegar. My job is to restrain Willow with a full Nelson while Natalie shoots vinegar into her ears. I don’t have exact figures, but I think its safe to say that about half of the vinegar and earwax ends up on the back of my head and shirt. Once Nat yells “FREE”, I can finally let Willow go, which requires me immediately turning my head as to not get the ear juice that she shakes out of her head in my eyes and mouth. Its a truly disgusting process. The silver lining is that I am now free of ear cleaning duty until next Saturday morning, when my soccer game will once again be interrupted by the news that my biohazard suit is in the dryer.

If you want to read a particularly hilarious account of a young man’s discover of hair care products, check it out here.

Tonight was a day at the park for the nerd within. Nat had massage until 10:30 this evening, so I had the entire house to myself. Here is a bit of what I do when it is Wednesday night and I have the entire house to myself:

1. Pour a beer and watch Manchester United vs. AC Milan
2. Surf blogs while watching game
3. Manchester United loses…wonder why I’m not more disappointed
4. ….pour a beer
5. Play Winning Eleven 8 on Playstation 2
6. Setup gaming steering wheel and play Gran Tourismo 4
6. Open up computer, make popcorn, pour another beer, surf the web
7. Start to notice burning eyes…check mirror to ensure their are no flames shooting out of them.
8. Consider a fourth beer…wonder if this makes you a “binge drinker”….then wonder if you even care…

About this time Nat came home and it was time to put away the computer, stop pouring myself beer….and if I’m wise, head to bed.

Every evening after work, I walk the dogs. Everytime I see another dog approaching, I have to cross the street to prevent Sadie from barking her head off, which inevitably leads to Willow trying to eat the dog. In the dog-rich community of Alexandria I cannot walk down the street with these two dogs without zig-zagging my way through the community. I’m quite certain that everyone must think I’m crazy.

Two houses down from mine, there is a 10 pound shit-zoo that Willow and Sadie have both wanted to eat since it barked its first obsceneties at them. Well, tonight at the end of our walk, I crossed the street one final time to avoid walking by the gate of said shit-zoo. Upon crossing back over (again) to get to my house, I notice that shit-zoo had found her way out of her yard and was trotting toward Sadie and Willow. An observer lucky enough to witness the scene then got to see me running up my pathway in an absolute panic with my two dogs and the tiny shit-zoo trotting behind. I guess that is better than seeing a Malamute and Australian Sheperd tear open a tiny Shit-zoo like it was their job.

Happy President’s Day! I barely slept at all last night. The excitement of the looming holiday played like sugarplums in my head. Nat and I woke up this morning and celebrated this glorious holiday with President Washington’s favorite winter-time breakfast - poached eggs on an assagio bagel. I could just imagine ol’ George sitting there gumming at his bagel, then trying to prechew it a bit with his wooden dentures. Its a bit disheartening to think about his dissapointment as he accepted the harsh reality of soup for breakfast…..again. Not this guy though. I sailed through my breakfast and considered going back for more. But, in honor of this glorious day, I too opted for soup….again.

Imagine your house as a giant lock box for all of your most valuable possessions. If you left this lock box for an entire day, you would probably close the lid. If not, it is likely that modern-day pirates would stop by and steal your booty. Well, last night when Nat and I returned from a day in the mountains, I pulled up to the house (a.k.a. my lockbox) and noticed the door was wide open. I just knew I was going to walk in the house and find everything missing.

Fortunately, it is too cold for pirates here in Alexandria. Nothing was touched.

Actually there was a metal hook swinging from the handle of the refrigerator and parot dropping next to my cracker box…but nothing was stolen.

Its been a fragile few days for my middrift. Wednesday morning about 5am, I awoke to a quickened pulse and a full body sweat. A quick sprint to the toilet verified that I had in fact caught “the bug”. Even small sips of water refused to take refuge in my belly. They all wanted out…and they wanted out quickly. Here it is Friday and I still feel like I got hit by a truck. At least I’m back on solid food.

Nat and I took Tuesday off and went into the city. The shot below The Native American Indian Museum. It seemed a bit scant on exhibits, but the architecture is phenomenal:

It is 60 degrees and sunny outside. Birds are chirping, children are frolicking, lovers are skipping hand-in-hand down city sidewalks with guilty grins that only a warm February day can bring. I am sitting inside updating my blog and creating fodder for a book called The Self Education of Adam Johnson. I could describe in excrutiating detail how excited I am about learning to develop with web standards, but you might not understand…and most likely would not care.

Instead, I give you this photo that I took last week at the Cathedral Greenhouse.

If you currently use Mapquest (like I do) to find directions, stop immediately. Your new “go to” for directions and yellow page searches is Google Maps. Check out how it displays pizza restaurants near my house, “pizza in Alexandria, VA“. Be sure to click on one of the teardrop-shaped markers for the address and phone number. Then, if you can still stand it, click somewhere on the map and drag your mouse. If the “geek” in you is strong, you may not be able to hold back the tears. I nearly shorted out my keyboard. I haven’t cried this hard since Old Yeller.