AtomJohnson Blog

As I was purchasing my new mountain bike last Thursday, I noticed a flyer for the 2008 Crest Crank.  This is an organized ride along the Monarch Crest Trail to raise money against domestic abuse.  I have been dying to ride this legendary trail composed of 23 miles of single track at 12,000 feet along the Continental Divide.

So, at 4:30am on Sunday, my buddy Hersch and I departed Boulder in the Civic and headed 3 hours south to Salida.  The trail itself in indescribably beautiful.  The pictures below might sum it up better.  Most mountain bike trails are at a lower elevation, so you’re weaving in and out of trees in the woods.  Biking above treeline promises majestic views that you can normally only get while hiking.

I am completely in love with my new bike.  The last time I got a mountain bike was about 7 years ago.  Its a great bike, but since then they have introduced full suspension, disc brakes, better geometries.  If you haven’t barreled down a mountain over dirt, rocks, bumps and logs at full speed on a bike, you should try it one day…its quite exhilarating!

I know its dangerous to bike with one hand and shoot video with the other, but I could not stop myself.  As you’ll see in the video below, it was a bad idea.  Unforunately, this will be the last video that my camera ever takes.

I am proud to be part of Boulder’s oldest soccer club, West End FC.  The club has been in existence for over 30 years.  In that time, there have been many upsets, many triumphs, many injuries, and way more hangovers than any of us would be able to account for.

On Thursday, we added another triumph to the list as well as another injury.  This was certainly the worst looking knee injury I’ve ever had, but probably the least serious.  In an attempt to get to the ball first, I crossed the path of the man with the boniest knees in the West.  This full speed collision with the inside of my knee resulted in what some doctors call a hematoma.

Rocky Mountain Oysters….I tried to try the last summer.  I went as far as to order them as an appetizer.  The moment I thought of putting them in my mouth, I gagged.  I quickly canceled the order and opted instead for the burger.

A few weeks ago, we met Jess’s folks at Jerry D’s bar and I was somehow convinced to try them again.  You can only order them by the pound, so there is no trying just one…you have to eat at least two…after all, they do come in pairs.
I am happy that I have eaten the “oysters” and I am still alive.  They weren’t that bad.  As you can probably guess, they taste alot like chicken.

The goal was to see if I could go an entire month without blogging.  I’m happy to say that I’ve accomplished the goal and everything is fine.  It was incredibly difficult to resist sitting back down in front of the computer on evening and weekends after sitting in front of it all day during the week, but will power is an amazing thing.  I’ll be posting updates from the incredibly exciting blog-free month in the upcoming days.  Thanks for your patience while this incredibly important online social experiment played out.  Now back to our irregularly scheduled blog.

It would surprise few to find out that I love to play soccer.  In fact, it easily tops the list of my favorite thing to do.  I have been playing consistently several times a week since I was in elementary school.  Boulder has definitely been the best soccer town I’ve lived in so far.  There is a wonderful indoor facility about 5 minutes from my house and an equally nice outdoor complex even closer.  In the fall, winter and spring, I generally play lunchtime pickup at the indoor place.  I also play on 2 different indoor league teams at the same facility.

Well, tonight I played in a game against the owners of the facility.  They are all seasoned soccer players who have played and coached at a highly competitive level.  They currently coach the reserve squad for the Colorado Rapids.  Well, tonight my team beat their team 9 to 6.  I played just as hard as I ever play.  On defense, I always shut the player down as quickly as I can and anyone who has played with me will certainly attest to the fact that I’m an intense player.  In fact, I pride myself on my hard work and intensity on the pitch.

Tonight that intensity came back to bite me.  It rubbed the owner, Rodrigo, the wrong way and after the game he informed me that I would never be allowed to play in the facility again.  Keep in mind that I did not harm another player, I did not lash out against anyone, and I walked on the field at the end of the game to shake hands and was refused this show of sportsmanship from Rodrigo and was instead told to “F’ off” and told that I would never play in that facility again.  I calmly explained that I played no harder than any other player who plays there every single night.  It fell on deaf ears.

My hope was to talk with the referee, who called only a few fouls on me throughout the game….even though the opposing team screamed bloody murder every time I challenged for the ball.  As I walked outside, the referee was crying with hysterical frustration because the owners had yelled and cursed him out on his performance.  He had just quit.

The entire episode seems unreal.  I would love to find another facility to play in, but there just isn’t one here in Boulder.  So, I’ve started my own Boulder Pick-up Soccer Meetup group.  If you are in Boulder and want to play pickup soccer for free, without worrying about unfairly being banned from a facility for life, please join the group.

On Sunday we witnessed Dick’s Sporting Goods Park set the world record for the largest gathering of soccer moms ever in a single venue.  Without a minivan overrun with soccer magnets, we still managed to sneak our way into the match to see the US Women beat the Brazilian National Team.  They got their world record and we got to see a great match.

I grew up making fun of the Renaissance Festival.  I had never been to one, but the commercials were ridiculous and left me no other option.  From my perspective, it was just a step up from a game of Dungeons and Dragons.  While it is really fun, you’d be embarrassed if your friends found out.

Well, now I’m outing myself…I’ve been to a Renaissance Festival, and I’m not surprised to report that it was actually pretty fun.  Alot of it was very much like I imagined.  There are tons of people talking as if they’re in a Monty Python movie, everyone is walking around eating turkey legs with their bare hands, and you’ll never have a better opportunity in your life to purchase and entire matching set of elaborate dragon-themed servingware.   Also, nowhere else can you see a knight in shining armour taking a quick rest to watch a pottery demonstration.

I’m actually considering putting in a proposal to see if they might change it to the Colorado Cleavage Convention.  You’ve never seen more boosteeays and midevil miracle bras in a single setting.  I was actually kicking myself that I didn’t attend this thing during puberty.

If you end up going, the best part is definitely Vegetable Justice.  You pay $5 to throw 5 tomatoes at a guy sticking his head through a wall while he wails insults back at your head.  I have never seen anyone better at their job than these insult artists.  Just be sure to wear some thick Renaissance-era skin….you’re gonna need it.

I’m am officially an Apple geek.  I’m now one amongst the ranks of wide-eyed, Steve Jobs-worshipping uber geeks who have waiting an absurd amount of time to purchase a newly released Apple gadget.  In case you missed it, Steve Jobs recently unveiled the much anticipated iPhone 3G in early June and ensured that few of us would sleep well until July 11th, when we could rest our heads comfortably on our new phones and 2 year year AT&T service contracts.

Actually for about a week leading up to last Friday, I was debating whether or not I even wanted to get the iPhone.  I’ve been very happy with Verizon Wireless and wasn’t sure I wanted to risk getting bad service with a new provider.  But, as I finished up my deadlines on Friday afternoon, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to go check things out at the Apple store.  So, I jumped in my underpowered, fuel efficient Japanese hatchback and headed over to the local Apple store.  As I approached the store, I saw one young man walk by with a sh!#-eating grin and an iPhone 3G bag in hand.  I nodded as if to say, “don’t worry, I’ll be there soon”.  As I turned the corner, I was surprised to see that there was no line.  I guess waiting till the afternoon had paid off.  When I explained to the Mac employee blocking the door that I was here to purchase an iPhone, he pointed across the street to the enormous line of people…also waiting to buy the iPhone.  This was my opportunity to head home and contemplate the purchase further…but, instead, I took my place in the back of the line and graciously accepted a free bottle of water that the Apple employees were handing out.

Over the next 2.5 hours, we saw groups of 12 or so people at a time excitedly walk into the store like catapillars and emerge as beautiful butterflies…butterflies with unlimited data plans on their crisp new iPhones.  As I finally approached the front of the line, I was cut off and asked to wait for the next group.  Just about this time, a photographer from the Colorado Daily showed up and asked if he could take my photo for Monday’s paper.  I managed to not look completely crazed as I knew that I was NEXT!

Finally it was my turn.  I was let into the sacred store and assigned my own personal sales representative to handle the adoption.  Over the next half hour I gave whatever information was necessary and excitedly checked boxes of agreement to terms that I could care less about…as long as it means that I am now amongst that special elite group of 7 million (and counting) who call the iPhone home.

We both woke up feeling very strange this morning.  After taking all of our vitals and looking up our symptoms on the internet, we deduced that what we were both feeling was a total lack of a hangover.  Having never experienced this feeling on July 5th, we were both taken aback and immediately thought we had come down with something.  You never think its going to happen to you, but sobriety has no favorites…it can attack anyone at anytime.

For breakfast, we decided on The Country Bounty…purely because of the name.  Not seeing that the buffet was full of delicious gluten-free options, Jess got her old standby breakfast of oatmeal.  She tried to order some bacon, but our waitress whispered that she could just get some from my buffet plate.  In the end, Jess quietly took potatoes, bacon, grilled polenta and delicious salsa from my plate.  Our waitress didn’t charge us for her oatmeal or her OJ, claiming that it was all included with my buffet order.  The total for both of our gut-busting meals was $8.07.  Our waitress found herself with a very fat tip.  If you’re ever in Salida, CO around breakfast time, stop at The Country Bounty.  They’re basically giving food away.

With bellies full and heads clear, we headed down to Crestone to see Sharon.  Sharon housesat for me 2 winters ago.  We had the good fortune of overlapping for about 3 weeks, so we were essentially roomates for almost a month.  I had heard a bit about the Crestone house during that time, but did not realize just how amazing it was.  It is a straw bale construction house that she has been building for the past 11 summers with her 5 sons.  She let Jess and I look through photo albums of the 11 years of construction.  It is such an amazing little house, but even more amazing when you see all of the work that has gone into it.  She is currently selling the almost finished house in order to move to Hawii. I highly encourage you all to buy it.  If you ever need a housesitter, please look me up.

Jess and I had hoped to head into Alamosa to see the Saturday night stock car races, but were dissapointed to find out that the tracks had recently closed.  The Dept of Transportation is making all of the roadside attractions in the valley take down any signs with writing on them.  I guess it is killing business for alot of attractions.  The lady at the Colorado Tourism Center instead pointed us towards Calvillo’s Mexican Restaurant.  I soon found myself enjoying my second buffet of the day.

As the daylight was fading, we made our way up to Sand Dunes Natioal Park.  These are the tallest dunes in North America.  You can’t even believe how enormous they are.  Anywhere else, they would be considered large by mountain standards, but with 14,000 peaks behind them, they are a bit dwarfed.  We were welcomed by the evening rush of mosquitoes and the late day howl of crying children who did not want to leave.  Once we stepped foot on the dunes, I understood their anguish.  Imagine the world’s largest sandbox bordered by a 100 yard wide creek to splash around and cool off in.  Sadie and Ruby were dying to run around off leash, but government regulations prevent such acts.

To close out the day, we went to the Sand Dunes Hot Springs pool.  This is an olympic sized pool filled with 98 degree water.  Its probably too hot to enjoy during the day, but its the perfect way to spend a cool Colorado evening.

After pouring an insane amount of money into the gas tank this morning, Jess, the dogs, and I all headed south for the holiday weekend.  Jess was a little sad to be breaking her traditional 4th of July plans with her friends, but assured me that she was OK going out of town instead.  The plan was to drive all the way down to my friend Sharon’s house in Crestone, CO and to head back up to Salida in the evening for the fireworks.  Well, after grabbing lunch in Salida on the way down, we opted to just stay there for the night and then head into Crestone on Saturday.  This was definitely the right choice as we found one of the very last available rooms in town for the night at the Mountain Motel.  Your $70 includes three beds, clean towels, wireless internet, and enough pine wood paneling to furnish a revival of the 1970s.

Salida is a very interesting town caught between its redneck roots and its newer, more progressive inhabitants.  Its currently about one half mullet and rubber-peeling Camero and the other half fauxhawk and kayak/mtn bike  hauling Subaru.  I embrace both.

With several hours to kill before the sun went down, we did the most American thing we could find…we played mini golf.  I’m sure a lot of real golfers look down on us mini golfers, but I’ll take mini golf any day.  Being 2 strokes ahead after the first hole, I was pretty confident that I was going to destroy Jess.  It appears that I peaked on the first hole…from there it was all down hill.  That was until the second 18 holes.  We somehow reversed roles and I was unstoppable.  The all came to a head when I got a hole-in-one on Hole #13.  This was a vast improvement from my hole-in-six on the same hole during the first round.  After 36 exhausting holes, I barely won with a score of 110 vs. Jess’s 114.  We celebrated by purchasing temporary lower-back tattoos.

After the sun went down, we did the second most American thing we could find.  We ate about 4 pounds of kettle corn and watched the fireworks.  While the fireworks were exciting, the two forest fires that they started stole the show.  They also cut the show short as the firemen who were in charge of setting of the fireworks were now tasked with trying to put out the fires.